Paths of Resistance

“Why did you leave technology?” is a refrain I hear often from former colleagues, as if I’d sworn off computers and now sit in a dimly lit basement banging rocks together for a living. I didn’t, in fact, leave technology. I just started managing people, but to some that is the same thing.

There is a tinge of betrayal in their tone, having watched me navigate an angry pitch-fork lined road. I climbed from an apprentice analyst to the engineer that determined data strategy for the largest organization in my previous company. I know what they’re getting at: few women make it into technical leadership. We’re often told we are too much this and not enough of that. I could regale you with stories of executives who threw office supplies at me in fury, the VP that suggested I make myself appear less competent so I would be less intimidating, and the thoughtful fellow that questioned if I really needed to take all 6 weeks of maternity leave (how gratuitous of me). As a woman that’s been working in technology for the last 15 years, it’s safe to say I’ve seen some shit.

But this isn’t about all that, because there are hundreds of far more eloquent people who have already written about the bias and inequality against those who don’t fit the mold. This is about the indignant, sharp-eyed, mentee who sat across from me in a Starbucks wanting answers.

“Why did you go into management?”

It was a fair question too. For most of my career when someone brought up management I recoiled at the very idea. Women are often prematurely pushed into management, labeled not “technical” enough, but praised for communication skills and expected to manage their staff like children. Unsurprisingly, that maternal stereotype is also what keeps us in middle management forever and out of the C suite, because of course it does.

Almost every manager I’d had in my life was either a self-serving power-fiend, willing to wring every last drop of blood out of their employees, or a micro-manager that hovered over everyone’s shoulder. Neither suited my personality, and frankly early on in my career I wasn’t sure what a manager did other than walk very fast to meetings and appear to be passing kidney stones when I announced I was going on vacation. They certainly never bothered to help me in my career development. Unless you consider vague notes like “too direct” and “not like-able enough” help, but I didn’t and don’t. I navigated my career alone, and while I became what one would consider successful in the individual technical track, it was not without experiencing a lot of the worst of our industry.

Ironic, perhaps, but those terrible experiences are what gave me the motivation to pursue management. Don’t get me wrong, as a tech leader I was able to help others that were on the same path as I had been. I could teach them everything I knew about technology. I could nurture grit and encourage a learning mindset, two things they would need to stay-the-path and continue to improve in their field or truly any field. Most importantly I could be an expert in my domain, and that in itself was making a valuable statement and impact to the world.

What I couldn’t do as easily though was directly change the people side of the landscape. I decided at some point that instead of being a port in a storm for women, people of color, and other under-represented groups in technology, I wanted to change the damn weather entirely. Technology is hard enough without the people around you holding you back. Maybe I could make a different sort of impact in management, where I could ensure that the road to technical leadership was lined with fewer pitchforks and more people holding out cups of gatorade. Ambitious? Yes, but worth the fight.

As a people manager, I am empowered to staff interviews with panels that represent the landscape I would like to see, and make sure that the candidates we receive are also coming from diverse sources. I make the offers, and I make sure they are fair and equitable. I give reviews, raises, bonuses, and I am the one who will prepare you for promotion and then find the doors I need to knock on (or knock down) to make sure you are recognized for what you’ve earned. As an engineer I enjoyed solving problems, and as a manager I still enjoy solving problems, but they tend to be higher level business problems, strategic problems, and less of the technical problems in a company.

If you are at a point in your career where you are thinking of moving into people leadership or technical leadership, I say this: there is no wrong answer. Both tracks are difficult, but we are not afraid. We each have the grit, the intelligence, and the right to choose either path. You belong here. Go where you feel you will make the biggest impact, go where they tell you no, but also go where you feel the most fulfilled. In order to change the landscape, those of us who do not fit the mold need to be present at every level and vertical in the industry. Perhaps even more importantly, we need to reach across those boundaries between the tech and the people in our pursuit of diversity and inclusion. Truly the only way to change the landscape is to work together. And if you get tired, I got your Gatorade.

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